there's more to life than reading books

Oh this book was good. Sure, once I started reading, I couldn’t put it down. Sure, it kept me up til 2am because I had to finish it. But then that’s not unusual right? No, then it had me awake at 5am thinking about it, analysing it, obsessing over it, trying to come to grips with it. Did I like it? Did I hate it?

This is not a run of the mill love story, and thank god, because there are enough of those around. This love is not pretty. It’s manipulative, it’s destructive, it’s selfish, it’s damaged, it’s obsessive, it’s untrustworthy. But it felt real and refreshingly honest. This is what love in the real world can be like. We hurt the ones we love, and then we hurt ourselves. And the hurt stays with us, it doesn’t disappear in a HEA with a house, marriage and a kid on the way. Our actions, our decisions, they have repercussions and consequences that stay with us and can haunt us for the rest of our lives.

This ending will leave you satisfied and not satisfied at the same time. I know I want more. I’m just not sure what that is. I question whether Olivia and Caleb deserve each other, deserve someone better or deserve nothing. I'm surprised that I relate to Olivia. Wanting someone's love so bad, but not knowing what to do with it, becoming scared and overwhelmed by it. Not trusting it, not giving into it. Pushing someone away to see if they'll come back and then doing it again to see how far you can push them.

This may not be the best book I’ve ever read, but it was damn good. For me, that’s not what the 5 stars are for. It’s the impact a book has on you, how it leaves you feeling. It may not have left me feeling all warm and fuzzy (cos it didn’t) but it left me feeling the characters’ pain, regret and heartbreak. And it feels right, justified, real.

So did I like it or hate it? I’m gonna go for liked, no, loved it.